We have all been hurt in some form or another. Some physical and some emotional. Both can be devastating! What do we do when someone else hurts us? How do we handle that?
I was in a long relationship with someone through my 20′s. It lasted about 13 years total. I felt like I missed so much being with a person who honestly didn’t really care about me or what life is all about. I had such an ideal in my head of what a relationship should be. Actually I wasn’t to far off, but I was a tad dreamy.
The problem was I didn’t stand firm in my convictions. Instead of letting him go when I didn’t like how I was being treated, I stayed with it. In my mind I thought this has to change. No one can really be this hateful and hurtful. Let me explain what I mean. Only a couple years into our relationship we hung out and went to the lake a lot. His family had a camper that stayed there and when neither of us was working we went up there which was a couple hours away. This summer my friend, which was a couple years younger than me went with us a lot. So, his brother came with us a lot too. He had a crush on her. As the summer pressed on I realized she had a little crush on my boyfriend. I talked to him about it and he said I was crazy. As the summer concluded we were on our way to the lake. We took my friend home as she was traveling to another state with her family. We had been hanging out and as we were taking her home she looked at my boyfriend and said “Are you going to tell her or am I?” Now we were in a truck and I was sitting in the middle. I looked at her and then him and asked “What is she talking about?” After the questions being asked a couple times each my friend finally told me that they had been sleeping together. She apologized over and over again, he on the other hand sat there and didn’t confirm nor deny her statement. He sat there so arrogant and smug, but you could tell he had been caught or rather told on. He didn’t like being out of control and he couldn’t lie his way out. The wheels were spinning in his head like a hamster on a wheel. My friend asked me what she could do to make it up to me as we dropped her off. I asked if her Mom could take me home. She said yes, but he wasn’t having it. He wanted to take me home. I told him I was not going to the lake I was going home and we were done! I went to scoot out of the truck and he grabbed my arm and said “I will take you home” Oh why oh why did I listen to that? I said alright. I did not see or speak to my friend again.
I am not the only person to ever go through something like this. It happens to so many people. Maybe not in the same way, but cheating is way to common in this world. I couldn’t understand why. Why hurt someone like that? What does anyone gain from doing that to someone? It’s a painful thing to go through. It’s a disregard for others. People who hurt others without real remorse have a real issue they need to deal with.
As we were driving down the road, I thought he was taking me home. I was very wrong! We didn’t turn where we needed to to go home. I asked him where we are going and he didn’t answer at first then he said he wanted to go to the lake so we could talk. I was done, over it, no more, I could not take this! I told him to take me home! He kept on driving. I even tried to get him to just stop at the store to get a drink and I was going to call my Mom to come and get me, but he would not stop. He knew I wanted out of that truck. Basically he kidnapped and and held me against my will.
The original plan was to go to the coal mines that his Dad owned to pick up his brother and go to the lake from there. That’s what we did. The mine was an hour or so away. I had no way to call my Mom from there. I was so stuck. I could have, well should have made a big scene and let others know that he brought me there against my wishes, but I knew no one would have taken me seriously. I can sit and play the what if game all day, but what’s done is done. We picked up his brother and he knew something was going on. I did not sit in the middle of the truck and I was very upset. He asked what was going on and eventually I told him. He was upset also. He really liked my friend and for his brother to do that it just hurt him.
As we arrived at the lake, his parents were there. they knew something was wrong, but did not ask. I went outside and was going to find a phone. My boyfriend followed me. He never did admit he slept with my friend. He did kind of apologize and told me that he wanted to be with me and on and on. After all this time now he confesses he wants to be with me? He had said it, but not in a way that made me feel it was real.
This is just one of the first ways and times he cut me deep emotionally. I had a few before and many more after. Now I will take the responsibility that I should have never put myself in this situation. I could have said enough. Why I didn’t I’m still not really sure. I know that I wanted to make things work, but one person cannot make a relationship work. I made many mistakes! I couldn’t see them then. I did not have my priorities in place.
I began to pray most nights. It took me a long while to get to where I prayed nightly and asked God to help me. I wanted to go to church, but I let him hold me back because he wouldn’t go. Now I know I am only held accountable for myself and no one else. If someone else was holding me back that was my fault for letting them. God should have been first. Now after we had a child together things just got worse between us, however my eyes began to open. We were not married, we lived together and had a child. No commitment and all the responsibilities do not make a good combination.
As my child grew I was beginning to see his fathers behaviors in him. I decided to go to church with or without him. My child and I began going every Sunday and I began going to Bible Studies every week. I struggled with staying in a bad relationship and prayed very hard! I finally made the choice to get out. It was the right choice and God guided me to it.
Through the many years with this man I was hurt in so many ways. Cheating, sexual immorality, verbal abuse, dis-respect, taken advantage of, name calling and lowered self worth just to name a few. These cut very deep wounds in me. Some still effect me today. I have a difficult time dealing with them or even talking about them. I’m not sure I have scars yet some are still open and hurt when a little salt is poured near them. So what to do? I must learn to hand that pain over to God and forgive. It’s the only way to heal from these hurts.
Where to begin? Prayer. Pain and wounds are different for all people. Even if it’s the same hurt, circumstances and what’s going on in lives are different. God knows all of our hurts, pains and wounds. Only He can heal us, but we must first give it to Him and have faith. This is a walk that can take a very long time. We must spend time with God daily. We need the comfort of fellow Christians and we must study His Word. The time it takes, how it will proceed, the road we will go down and the way we learn will all be different and unique, but God will take us through the fire and refine us. He will heal us and use our past for His purpose.
Why forgive? I was hurt and he had no remorse what so ever that he did so. So, how do I forgive and why? God said in order to receive forgiveness we must forgive. God is the only One who can pass judgment on others. That is not our place. We need only to forgive them in our hearts and to God. We cannot let that anger brew in us or it may turn into bitterness. Bitterness is poison and the enemy will use that to infect us, then it will spread through our families, friends and all we are around. The devil wants nothing more than to hurt God and I do not want him to use me to that.
Matthew 6:12, 14, 15, 5:44; Luke 6:37; Mark 11:25; Eph 4;31-32; Psalm 139:23; Romans 12:19-21; Proverbs 20:22; Hebrews 12:15;
I have been on the road to healing for a long while already, but I have to concentrated on it. It’s time to start letting God heal my heart and go on with my life to do what God wants me to do. I learned several things I “should have” done, but the biggest and most important is that I must trust in God and let Him have it. Next lesson is to stand firm in my beliefs and do as God commands of me. Prayer, wisdom and discernment are necessary to talk to God and listen to what He wants for me and my life. Surrounding myself with godly people and studying His Word have shown me what God expects of me and given me such support.
If you have been hurt by someone else, seek professional help if necessary and pray. Prayer is a must in all situations, but deep committed prayer is more important when healing.
